SECTION THREE
PEOPLE AND PEOPLE
 

 
16. THE COMPANY ONE KEEPS
(True friends and false friends)
 
Our association with friends is important, having a great influence on our advancement and regression in life. Thus we should be aware of the main teachings on friends. Listed here are the teachings on those who should be associated with and those who should not, and the principles through which friends should relate to each other:

A. False friends : one should know the four kinds of false friends, or enemies in the guise of friends (mitta-patirupaka), as follows:
        1) The out-and-out robber, one who only takes from his friend (harajana*), has four main features:
                1. He thinks only of getting.
                2. He gives little in the hope of getting much.
                3. Only when he is in danger does he help his friend.
                4. He is a friend only for his own profit.
        2) The smooth talker (vaciparama) has four main features:
                1. He is only good at talking about that which is done and gone.
                2. He is only good at talking about that which has not yet come.
                3. He helps in useless things.
                4. When his friend needs help, he makes excuses.
        3) The flatterer (anupiyabhani) has four main features:
                1. He consents to [his friend's] doing wrong.
                2. He consents to his doing right.
                3. He sings his praises to his face.
                4. He runs him down behind his back.
        4) The leader to ruin (apayasahaya) has four main features:
                1. He is a companion in drinking.
                2. He is a companion in night life.
                3. He is a companion in frequenting shows and fairs.
                4. He is a companion in gambling.
 
B. True friends: one should know the four kinds of true friends, or friends at heart (suhada-mitta), as follows:
         1) The helping friend (upakaraka) has four main features:
                1. When his friend is off guard, he guards him.
                2. When his friend is off guard, he guards his property.
                3. In times of danger, he can be a refuge.
                4. In times of need, he gives more than asked for.
        2) The friend through thick and thin (samanasukhadukkha) has four main features:
                1. He confides in his friend.
                2. He keeps his friend's secrets.
                3. He does not desert his friend in times of danger.
                4. He will give even his life for his friend's sake.
        3) The good counselor (Atthakkhayi) has four main features:
                1. When his friend is going to do evil, he stops him.
                2. He encourages his friend in goodness.
                3. He makes known to his friend what he has not heard before.
                4. He points out the way to prosperity and happiness.
        4) The loving friend (anukampi**) has four main features:
                1. When his friend is unhappy, he commiserates.
                2. When his friend is happy, he is happy for him.
                3. When others criticize his friend, he comes to his defense.
                4. When others praise his friend, he joins in their praise.
 

(D.III.185)
C. Reciprocal friendship : friends should support each other according to the practices in the teachings on the "left direction"*** listed below:
        One should treat friends as follows:
                1. Share with them.
                2. Speak kindly to them
                3. Help them.
                4. Be constant through their ups and downs.
                5. Be faithful and sincere.
        Friends reciprocate as follows:
                1. When their friend is off guard, they protect him.
                2. When their friend is off guard, they protect his property.
                3. In times of danger, he can be a refuge.
                4. They do not desert their friend in times of need.
                5. They respect their friend's family and relations.
(D.III.189)
 

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